Nothing Heals Me Like You Do
by StarlightNights
Summary: Bella needs to get her life together. Edward needs a new kidney. When they are brought together, will they be exactly what they need to fix each other? AU/AH
1. 1: I Quit

**Nothing Heals Me Like You**

**Chapter 1**

**I Quit**

This has to be the worst day ever. The power was out when I woke up, already an hour late for work. Skipped my morning cigarette. Skipped my shower. Skipped breakfast and I still didn't make it to the mandatory meeting on time. Which means I got a long lecture from my boss about commitment and dedication and all that shit, before being handed my assignment. The shit assignment. The one no one else wanted so I got stuck with because I wasn't there. Not like that would have made a difference anyway. I always get stuck with the shit assignments. And I'm too stupid to argue about it. That's just the way my life works. I also somehow got my shirt stuck in my desk and tore a huge hole in it. And because I am prone to accidents like that, I had a new one tucked into my purse and quickly changed only to have the mail guy spilt coffee on it. And let's not forget that profound message my boyfriend, James, left my voice mail. But we'll get to that later.

I have had enough of this day, this job, this life. So I walk out of my office with all my belongings in a box. I'm attempting to make a statement…Again. I do it about once every two weeks or so. I'm thinking its beginning to lose some effect now. I should probably do this less often. I smile triumphantly as I exit the building but that only lasts for a few seconds. God hasn't had enough fun torturing me yet so it starts to rain. Not just rain…fucking pour, on the one day that I didn't bring an umbrella.

But before I break down and cry, not that anyone would notice in this torrential downpour, I try to find the good in my situation. I get to go home early. Eat a nice warm meal with my best friend. And take a nice long, hot bubble bath.

My apartment building is only a few blocks away and I'm soaked to the bone already so instead of calling a cab I'll just get my exercise for the day. As I make my way down the sidewalk young school girls shout at me and throw fliers in my direction, several of which fall into my soggy box of possessions. This goes on until I reach my apartment building. I am more than annoyed by the time I make it to my building. What is it with these girls? Shouldn't they be shopping or doing homework or something else meaningless like that? I really don't want to deal with them right now. So much for optimism…

I sit the box on the ground and rummage through my purse for my keys, only to finally notice the growing hole in the bottom. I've lost everything except my wallet and my cell phone. Fucking perfect.

I sit down and rest my head in my hands. I hate my life. I only last a minute before I pull out my cell phone and leave a voicemail. Then I call my roommate and he answers with a growl. "Jacob, I need some help."

"Thank god!" he exclaims. "I need _your_ help."

"I'm outside. I lost my keys ring me up and I'll do my best."

"You're home? Amazing."

"I know," I sigh and brush my hair out of my face. "Open the door so I can get in." And with that I hang up. And of course the elevator is broken too so I have to walk up three flights of stairs with this stupid box. I turn the corner and run into something and drop everything I'm carrying. I sit up and see and very familiar three-year-old staring back at me. "Caleb Logan Douglas what are you doing here?"

"Daddy brought me." He shrugs.

"Why? Where is he?" I look around.

"He left," he explains and begins to skip away but I grab his shirt and shake my head. Any ounce of optimism I had left was crushed by his words.

I am not in the mood for this. "He left?" I shout is disbelief. But what else did I really expect? This is just a typical James thing to do. Caleb nods his head and attempts to wiggle free of my grasp. I exhale heavily and I collect my things and walk into the room Caleb in my left arm, my box in the right. "Jacob, what's going on?"

"You tell me. Your boyfriend dropped the kids off and left." He frowns at me. "How do I shut her off?" He holds out the screaming seven-month-old girl.

I set down Caleb and my box, making sure to close and lock the door before taking Ava. "My _ex_-boyfriend, he left me a breakup message." Ava finally stops screaming and I put her up in the pack-n-play overtaking the living room. I put in a movie and Caleb sits in front of the TV. "So how was your day?" I ask with a sarcastic smile.

"Great!" He mimics my sarcasm. "And yours?"

"I'm sure it was even better."

"How was work?"

"Spring fashion," I reply.

"Spring fashion?" Jacob mimes.

"What the _fuck_ do I know about fashion?"

"Uh-oh. You said a bad word." Caleb shakes his finger at me. The kid doesn't miss anything.

"I'm sorry. I promise to never do it again." But his attention is already back to Finding Nemo, thank god. I let out and exasperated sigh and sat on the couch. "I was not hired to do fashion or love advice or stupid filler articles. I am not the vapid woman they seem to think I am!"

Jacob shrugs. "Well, quit letting them walk all over you. Take a stand."

"I did." I nod.

"You did?"

"I quit."

"You quit?"

"I quit." I nod in affirmation.

"How long until you beg for your job back?" He laughs.

"Already called and left Esme a voicemail."

"Spring fashion? It's still hardly fall!"

"I know." I roll my eyes. "But it's already started, shoes are finished." I stand and make my way into the kitchen to satisfy my grumbling stomach. "Care to review?"

"I know even less than you! You need some girlfriends to help you get through these things."

"Can you at least look it over and give me a man's perspective? Maybe that will help." I shrug. I'll take anything I can get right now.

"Sure, sure," he responds.

"Thanks, it's in the box," I shout from the refrigerator. I'm too lazy to cook so leftover Chinese it is. Jacob's squeal grabs my attention. "Now I hardy think you've found something you like." I shake my head.

"Though I doubt this has anything to do with spring fashion but it is just as tragic."

My brow furrows in confusion and I walk to his side. "Oh, some girls were handing those out. They're all over. Something about something and I don't know. Trying to win a contest or something equally as inconsequential as that. You're typical high school girl thing."

"Jesus, Bells, no. This is what I was telling you about last week! The band. Where me and Leah first hooked up. What's their name? Twilight!"

"They're back in town? You two should go again. It would be sweet." I say sitting back on the couch with my reheated Chinese.

"No, they're not back in town you jackass!"

"Stop saying bad words!" Caleb chimes in again.

Jacob makes faces to the child's back along with an obscene gesture before returning to yell at me. "Don't you ever listen?"

"I try not to." I shrug.

"One of their members got sick. Something with his liver or something…I don't know the details but he needs a transplant." I just continue to shovel the fried rice into my mouth with great difficulty. I still haven't mastered the art of using chopstick. "The fans found out and are attempting to find him a new one."

"Now that's devotion." I nod. "Your band rocks! I love you guys! Take my liver. But I admit it is a refreshing change. No more 'marry me' or 'I want to have your babies'."

"Be nice. They're out there actually doing something."

"Because he's famous!" I shout. "What if that was one of their classmates? Do you really think they would be out there like that? Maybe a few of them would have a bake sale to raise money for the family or something. But handing out fliers in the rain to find a live donor? What about all the other people out there that need donors?"

"At least it's something. They aren't wasting their time with spring fashion." I draw in a quick breath. He can be such a jerk sometimes. "I'm sorry. I didn-"

But he does have a point. "No, you're right," I say with a smirk.

"You're not going to do something stupid now, are you?" He asks as I jump up from the couch. "Bells? Bella?"

"I just have some stuff I have to work on. Keep an eye on the kids."

"Bella, you're not going to give up your liver are you?" But I ignore him and walk down the hall. "You know you kind of need your liver! Not just kind of…you really need it! Right? I think so. Just in case, y'know… Shit! I know I said a bad _fucking_ word!"

I roll my eyes and walk into my room. I hope he never plans on raising any children. I sit on my bed and pull out my laptop. I do have a desk… somewhere under a pile of papers and I don't even know what else. So I never actually do any work there. I begin to compile data quickly and almost don't hear the doorbell. James. Shit. I glance at the clock, well past midnight.

I jump off the bed run out to the door. Fuck, I don't want to deal with this now. Jacob is sleeping on the couch so I wake him. "I'm not here. I'm working late at the office. Just give him the kids and send him on his way." I hear a key turn in the lock. "And get my key back!" I whisper before disappearing into my room. What kind of man breaks up with you but still drops his kids off for you to baby sit? I leave my door open a crack and listen to the conversation that unfolds. And it only takes a second for me to realize he's drunk or maybe worse. What was I expecting at this time of night?

I sigh and walk towards my window just as Jacob bursts into my room. "He's-"

"I know." I nod and climb carefully onto the balcony and down the fire escape. I may hate the guy but I'm not going to let him kill himself or his kids. I'm not heartless. I walk towards the front of the building and run into him.

"Hey." He's got that shit-eating grin on his face. God I hate it.

"I'm driving you home." I say and grab the keys from Ava's small fingers.

"How was work?" He walks towards me with a pout. "What? No kiss?"

"Just get in the car." I sigh and turn around. Not his car. "So the divorce is off again." It's all beginning to make sense now.

"My car's in the shop. She felt like being civil today so she let me borrow the car. Give me the keys." His voice has switched from playful to cold and distant. A sure sign that he is lying.

I shake my head and get in the driver's seat. "So it has nothing to do with the message you left me this morning." I arch my brow. He opens his mouth to speak but I stop him. "It doesn't matter."

"Bella, just give me the keys," he commands as he straps Ava into her car seat.

"Not a chance," I say defiantly and shake my head.

"I got here just fine," he retaliates putting Caleb into his booster seat.

"Congratulations," I say and start the car. "Get in or you walk home." He complies and I pull into the street. "So how is Victoria these days?" I ask nonchalantly.

"She finally moved out of the old apartment."

"Good for her." I keep my eyes trained on the road. I refuse to look James in the eyes, his baby blues always sucker me in.

"What's your problem?" James asks, leaning back into his seat.

"Let's not get into this in front of your kids." I say and the rest of the car ride is silent. I pull into his driveway and stop the car. I remove my apartment key from his set of keys and throw them back at him. "Tell your wife I said hello."

"You can tell me yourself." Victoria announces coming alongside the window. "After you get out of my car." She smirks and gets Ava from her car seat before walking over to James and kissing him. It's really gross how much tongue she is using. I roll my eyes and sigh heavily; she really doesn't have to put on a show for me. I mean I understand that she doesn't like me. I mean, I did have an affair with her husband. But that really wasn't entirely my fault. And really, she should be over it by now.

"Well, nice to see you again." I force a smile to my face. I'm very nice to her even if she is the biggest bitch I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. "But I guess I'll be on my way." Victoria gives me a smug smile as she waves goodbye. Caleb gives me a high five and a hug before I place my hands in my back pocket. "See you around, kid." I wink at him and he flashes me a sad smile. I don't get very far before I hear footsteps behind me. I turn and am face to face with James.

"Do you need a ride?" he asks.

"I'll be fine." I shake my head and bite my bottom lip. He shouldn't be driving and I don't think getting in a car with Victoria would be any smarter for me. I look down to the sidewalk, looking at him makes me want to-well, do things that I shouldn't to a married man.

"I'm sorry," he says suddenly. My head snaps up and I stare at him. Though he's usually a great guy (well, when he's off the drugs) he still doesn't apologize-at least to me. "For Victoria. She can be a real bitch I know. But you know…the kids."

"I know. You don't need to apologize," I say softly and look down again realizing I'm standing in a giant puddle. Great, my shoes are going to make that annoying squishy sound all the way home.

There is an awkward pause when I continue to think about my squishy shoes and my new project. But my thoughts are interrupted by his lips-his lips to mine. "Jesus, Bella, I'm sorry for this morning. I'm such a fucking ass!"

"Shhh," I say softly and run my fingers through his blonde hair. "What's going on, James?"

"I don't know. She showed up this morning and I didn't know what to do. She said she missed the kids and me and I didn't know what I was doing. I was out with Laurent the night before and-"

"Yeah, I know what happens when you're around him." He gets fucked up.

"No, none of that this time. I'm clean this time. For good. For you, baby. I told you I would be better if you stayed with me. I want to be better for you. But I was drinking a lot. I think I was still drunk when she showed up. I just-I just don't know."

I shake my head and kiss his forehead. "Go home and go to sleep." I turn away and start to walk again even if I want nothing more than to just stay there and listen to him. I turn back and give a half smile. "Call me. When you do know what you want." I wrap my arms around myself. It's just the beginning of fall but the night air is cold tonight.

I start to turn my back to him but he stops me and turns me around. "It's cold out. Take my sweatshirt." He places a delicate kiss on my forehead and walks away. For someone who can be such an asshole he can be really sweet sometimes.

The walk takes me longer than normal but I did spend a lot of time staring at the stars, dancing in the puddles in the moonlight and just being a child. Jacob is still awake when I walk back into the apartment. "How did it go?" He asks suspiciously, twisting around in his chair.

"Fine." I roll my eyes. And hold up my hand to silence him before he can continue with the 20 questions. "Really. Drove him home. Said hi to Victoria. Walked home." I saw his eyebrows rise at the mention of Victoria's name but I just shook my head.

"Esme called while you were out. She wants you to call her ASAP. Something about how great your idea was or something."

"Esme called? While I was out? Like within this hour?" It should be way past her bedtime and mine for that matter. But long, odd hours come with this job-or so Esme says. And yeah, my idea was good. Not great, but it does beat fashion.

"Yeah, she says she doesn't sleep or whatever." I pause waiting for him to continue with something but he just shakes his head. "So you should call her," he prompts me slowly.

"Goodnight!" I shout at him and give him a quick kiss on the forehead before running back to my room to return my bosses phone call.


	2. 2: A Certainty I Envy

**Chapter 2**

**A Certainty I Envy**

I step forward and the door glides open. I was immediately greeted by the pungent smell of disapointment, disinfectant and death. Why do we have to do this here? I hate hospitals.

I somehow manage to navigate through the busy and very depressing hallways with only getting sidetracked twice. I find Esme waiting for me when I finally arrive to where I need to be. As soon as she spots me she rushes over. "I've got everything set up. If today goes well you won't ever be stuck with spring fashion again." I let out a sigh of relief. I did not become a journalist to write spring fashion. "If the guys like you and what you have to say they will agree to an exclusive. But they are thinking cameras. You aren't camera shy are you? I didn't think you would be," she continues to ramble without waiting for me to respond.

"I'm confused," I interrupt.

"They want this documented or whatever. I'm not really sure of all the details. We'll work all that out later."

"Yeah, but I'm just here for an interview. Then I've got research and other things I've got to do before deadline."

"Sweetheart, for this deadline all you've got to do is an introduction piece. The rest will follow. This is going to be a long series."

"Esme, I pitched this as a humanitarian piece. The band is just a way to lead into it." I flash an uneasy half smile. I don't like the way this is starting to sound.

"Yes, but I decided to tweak your idea just a little. Look, people that read magazines, at least most magazines, don't care about humanitarian issues. They want glamour and gossip and scandal and celebrities. So that's what we give them. Your assignment is to follow this guy and report on what's going on. If you must add your human rights issues where they fit in, whatever. But only where they fit in. This is about a popular band, their struggle with this crisis and the dedication of their loving fans."

I stomp my foot. Work sucks. "That is the biggest load of shit I have ever heard! No one really cares about a bunch of rich arrogant men using their fame and power to get what they want!" And I've officially gotten angry. I do that a lot. "What about the seven-year-old boy I met on my way here in need of a kidney? Who's helping him? His family and the few brain dead people that had the foresight to become organ donors? Where are all the people rushing to help him? He's just as good of a person as any of them but no one fucking cares about him! He's just a kid who doesn't know how to help himself! But this asshole thinks he deserves special treatment because he can fucking play the guitar!"

Esme has a smug smile through the entire thing but lets me finish my rant. I feel better. "It sucks. But you've got to get over it. You've got to understand that our readers don't care about that kid. They don't want to hear about things that are depressing like that. They want happy hopeful things. Like a celebrity getting a new kidney. And if you're going to have a problem with your new assignment Lauren will graciously take over and you can go back to reporting spring fashion. That's just the way this business is. If you can't handle it then you can find somewhere else to be." She shrugs.

I hate my job. It's giving me an ulcer. I'm too young to have an ulcer. I should have never called and gotten my job back. I didn't become a journalist to do a lousy piece on some stupid band. But I don't seem to have a choice. I sigh reluctantly. "I'll do it," I agree reluctantly. It beats spring fashion.

"Good." She smiles and gives me the most awkward hug ever. "Now go make yourself look really great and get that god damn exclusive." She pushes me towards a door. "I need a cigarette. Let me know what happens." She pinches my ass and walks away. Unbelievable. She needs to be on some kind of medication.

I knock on the doorframe, announcing my presence before entering to find a bronze haired man starring out the window from his hospital bed. "Bella Swan." I smile and extend my hand.

He sits up in his bed but does not take my hand so I lower my hand and sit in the chair beside his bed. "The rest of the band had a change of plans and won't be joining us today." He states rather emotionlessly.

"Oh, we can reschedule if you-"

"No," he interrupts me. "This mostly has to do with me so I think that I should be able to make this decision myself. I hope they would trust my judgment." He nods matter-of-factly.

"Okay." I nod and gather some of my things, getting ready to ask some questions or be asked questions. I don't really know who is interviewing whom here.

But he interrupts my thoughts. "I heard what you were saying outside."

"Oh," I inhale sharply. I really should have thought of that. Goodbye fun article. Welcome back, spring fashion. "I'm sorry-"

But he interrupts me again. "Don't be. I think you'll be perfect." He smiles at me and extends his hand. "Edward Mason, or if you would like you can still refer to me as the asshole who can play the guitar. I can also play the piano if you were wondering."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Mason." I laugh at myself and shake his hand.

"Call me Edward."

"I really didn't mean to call you an asshole. I'm sure your not, I just let my emotions get the better of me and-"

"That's what I liked." He smiled. "You're not afraid to speak the truth and to stand up for what you believe in."

"Thanks." I smile and blush. That is so not fair!

"That kid you were talking about, the one that needs a kidney…"

"Seth." I nod. "I met him on my way. I got a little lost. Happens a lot. He helped me find my way. He asked me to get an autograph for him. Speaking of…" I finish rambling and turn to a page of my notebook.

"Do you think he'd mind if I visited him?"

His response took me by surprise. I was really wrong about him. He's far from an asshole. He's just a regular guy who happened to get famous. "No." I shake my head. "I think he'd like that."

"Then you're going to have to help smuggle me out of this room." He says with a mischievous smirk. "I'd get up and just walk but all I've got on is this stupid gown that I'm afraid does not cover my entire ass."

"I think I might be able to-" but I am distracted as he shifts to get out of bed, a small amount of pain registering on his face. And he was right, his ass is hanging out. But yes, back to what I was saying… "to do something about that." I shake my head, trying to get the image of his ass out of my head. It's not like I've never seen an ass before. Well, not a famous ass. God, I need Ritalin or something. "I'll go get a wheelchair."

I walk out of the room, laughing at myself. And just my luck, I run into Esme. "That was fast. I take it he didn't really like that part about being a spoiled rock star or whatever you said." She shrugs. "I'll see if I can fix this." She starts to walk forward but I put my arm out and stop her.

I plaster on the cheesiest, most accomplished smile I can muster. "Actually he loved it. We're going to discuss the details as we take a walk. Have you seen a wheelchair I can borrow?" I wink and smack her ass as I walk past. I love it when I win! "Who knows how long it'll be." I call over my shoulder. "I'll call you later and let you know how it went." She's got a dumbfounded expression. Does she really have that little faith in me? Or does she just want to give this article to someone else?

I finally manage to steal a wheelchair from an orderly who wasn't paying attention and sprint back to Edward's room. He's got his back facing me as he messes with his IV, and there's his ass again. He turns around and catches me, oops. He laughs as he closes the back of the gown with his fist. "I was afraid that would happen."

It is very difficult for me to concentrate again. He's got such a perfect butt. It goes well with his perfect face and gorgeous green eyes. Focus Bella! "I found a wheelchair." I smile sweetly and walk closer. I'm such an ass. Seriously, I need to stop with all the asses.

He walks carefully, dragging his IV and trying to hold his gown closed in the back. "Don't worry, I've already seen it." I smile and help him into the wheelchair. "And really, it's not that bad. Kind of cute. Rather white, but I'm sure mine is no better." I shrug and push him out the door. I think I'm making him uncomfortable. I'm making myself uncomfortable. "Sorry, I talk a lot when I'm embarrassed."

"Why are you embarrassed?" He questions, looking over his shoulder. "It was my ass."

I shrug. "I know. And like I said, nothing for you to be ashamed of. It's just…it's a little weird, your like…someone who's ass I should not be looking at." I furrow my brow. "I'm going to shut up now."

"Don't." Edward shakes his head. "You amuse me. I don't get a lot of that anymore." I can tell that this upsets him, his posture falls. But I guess his situation sucks. People won't act happy around him because well-they just don't think they should. But that seems to be all he wants.

"Well, I'm glad I can be useful." I nod curtly and stop outside of a doorway in pediatrics. "I think this one is his room."

We spend the next hour in Seth's room. The look on his face is priceless. Edward gave him an autograph and promised to get one from the rest of the guys. And he promised that he'd come back and teach him how to play guitar like him. I've never seen a happier kid.

When we get back to Edward's room there is a nurse waiting, arms crossed, ugly scowl on her face. "Mr. Mason."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I'm in some kind of trouble." Edward rolled his eyes and stood from the wheelchair, I think purposely flashing me his ass this time.

"You're late for dialysis. Again." She shakes her head, glaring at me like it's my fault. Maybe it is. I'm not sure.

"Well, I guess I should just get back in this wheelchair." He says, sitting back down. "You know how much I love dialysis." I can see from the expression on his face that he does not, in fact love dialysis. He directs his attention towards me. "It was a pleasure meeting you Mrs. Swan."

"Miss Swan. Or Bella actually. I would prefer Bella."

"Of course." Edward smiles as the evil nurse begins to push him from the room. "You know I can hardly wait to begin this whole dialysis thing but I am in the middle of talking here." He scolds his nurse who promptly stops and continues to glare at me. Ok, this is not my fault. "If you leave your number I will call you and set up some other time where we can get together with the rest of the band and discuss the specifics of this."

I nod, pulling out a sheet of paper from the notebook that I haven't used. I write my cell phone number and leave it on his nightstand. He reluctantly says farewell, cringing at the thought of his dialysis. "I better get a kidney soon." He rolls his eyes and the nurse finally gets him out of the room.

As soon as I get out of the hospital I check my phone. Four new messages. Shit. I really wasn't in there that long. I dial my voicemail and listen. James. James. James. James. He wants to see me. I want to see him. I swear, I'm really not a bad person.


	3. 3: Keep Things Quiet

**Chapter 3**

**Keep Things Quiet**

A week later, I'm meeting with Edward again, this time out of the hospital and the apartment that he's rented. He's in a worn out recliner, obviously his favorite and I'm seated across from him on a pretty new sofa. And again, his band mates have cancelled. Apparently there are a lot of things that are so much more important to them than their friend.

And after two and a half hours, we've worked everything out. I think. I write my segments for the magazine and they want to do some documentary thing or something for MTV. I don't really understand that whole thing but there was something about proceeds all going somewhere for something…research or treatment options, things like that.

My phone rings loudly and I roll my eyes. I thought I turned it off. "Sorry." I say and silence my phone. A minute later it goes off again. "I'll just be a minute." I walk away and answer my phone. James. "I'm going to have to call you back. No, I can't baby-sit for you. I'm working! I know it's Saturday! It's Victoria's weekend anyway. I can't! It's not possible. I'm not there. And leave Jacob alone this time. Bye. Bye! I got to go. Bye." He is so infuriating sometimes. I walk back over to Edward. "Sorry."

"No need." He shakes his head.

I run my fingers through my hair. "Mind if I take another break. I need a cigarette." Edward closes his eyes. "I'll go outside. And I'll be real quick."

"No. It's fine. You can stay." He says, watching me with lustful eyes as I light one.

I exhale a cloud of smoke and he leans closer inhaling deeply. "I can go outside if it bothers you. It's no problem."

"No. I'll be ok." He nods, eyes not moving from the cigarette in my right hand. "They made me quit. God, I could use one."

He walks over and sits beside me. I pull another stick from the cartoon and offer it. "I won't tell if you won't." I wink. I know how I'd feel if someone took these away from me.

"I love you!" He exclaims and lights it. I've never seen a more pleased face as he finally inhales. "You wouldn't let me eat a real meal would you?"

"That is where I draw the line." I smile at him. He shakes his head in disappointment as I flick my ashes into the empty glass on the table. "I haven't had a decent meal in forever. You can tell! Look at me, I'm wasting away." I roll my eyes. He's hardly wasting away. He might be slender but the boy is seriously ripped. The hospital gown I saw him in last time did his body no justice at all. "And I would kill for a glass of water. A _whole_ glass of water in one sitting." I think this guy is about to have an orgasm over some food and water. "Change the subject please. I'm depressing myself."

"Uhhh," I stammer. "This is a really good cigarette."

"Fuck yeah it is." He smiles. "Sorry."

"No need," I respond.

"You're phone call the reason that cigarette is so good?" He pries.

I nod. "Partly."

"Boyfriend?" he continues.

"Uhhhh." I inhale another breath of smoke.

"I don't mean to pry," he cuts in apologetically. "You don't have to answer."

I shake my head. "No, its fine. I just don't really know the answer. It's a complicated situation."

"Oh," Is all he responds. The front door opens and I hear the shuffle of feet. The panicked expression on Edward's face as he quickly snuffs out his cigarette is priceless.

"Oh, Edward has a girl over." A big burly dark haired man smiles as he walks into the room. "Nice."

Edward sighs heavily and rolls his eyes as two more men follow. "Guys, this is Bella Swan. The woman I've been telling you about. The one you so politely declined to meet today."

They all look to the floor silently, until the blonde speaks up. "Yeah, we had other obligations this morning. But it is great to finally meet you." He holds out his hand to introduce himself. "Jasper."

Edward introduces me to everyone else and an awkward silence fills the room. "Well," I jump up. "I think we've got everything worked out." I nod. "So I guess I'll just let you get back to your things."

"It's been a pleasure meeting you." Jasper says, offering me his hand.

"Likewise." I smile and make my way to the door. As soon as I'm out of Edward's apartment I reach for my phone. But before I can dial the number I put it back. My life will not revolve around him. I am so over him. God, I wish I was over him. But before I make it any farther I realize that all of my notes and files on my new assignment are still at Edward's apartment and I make my way back. And the door opens and Edward appears and his somber face lights up with a smile. "I left my files." I say pointing at my things that have now fallen to the floor as his bandmates tear through the room.

"I'd like to get out of here." Hey says walking out and closing the door behind him. He grabs my arm and pulls me through the hallway.

"Oh, okay," I stammer, taken aback by his sudden request.

He sighs, inhaling the sweet fresh air that he has been missing. "I just need a break."

"Want to talk about it?" I ask, feeling surprisingly comfortable with my arm still locked around his.

"Not really." He shakes his head and releases my arm, suddenly noticing that he still had it. I nod not really knowing what to say next. I don't know anything about him and that makes it a little difficult to make an adequate conversation. "I just hate being there. I hate that everyone looks at me like I'm dying. I'm not just Edward anymore. I'm sick Edward." His smile fades again and his eyes fill with so much sadness that I really don't know what to do anymore. "They all do it and I know they don't mean to but they still do it. They watch what I eat. They monitor how much I drink. The way they look at me now…it's just, it's like Edward is gone and they are looking at a sorry excuse for a human being that doesn't deserve to live." He pauses a moment and looks at me and I want to offer comfort but I know that is exactly what he doesn't want. "And you, you look at me the way I wish everyone else could." He smiles and takes my arm once more. We have finally gained each other's trust. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I respond and smile up at him. There is just something about this guy that I like. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all. I'll have to remember to thank Esme later. But before we could bond anymore my phone rings again. I look to my caller ID, James again. I groan.

"Want to talk about it?" he mimics me.

"Not really." I sigh and pause before I begin to share with him. It's the least I can do since he's sharing his life with me for the sake of my career. "He's the complicated situation."

"Care to elaborate?" he pries.

I sigh again, not really knowing how to make myself not sound terrible as I try to explain. "Me and James-they guy, we have a history. We hooked up and after that I found out he had some kids. And I was ok with it. We weren't serious or anything and things happen. I understand. Then I find out he's got an ex-wife. And then I find out that the ex-wife isn't really an ex yet and that's where we stand now. Which I have no idea where that is." I shrug. "I know I'm a terrible home wreaker." He doesn't respond he just stays silent and it forces me to continue speaking. "I broke it off with him when I found out about Victoria-the wife. But I found it hard to stay away. You know how that is. There are some people that you just can't resist."

He nods. "I can understand that. So what happened then?"

I lock eyes with him. And I thought James had beautiful eyes. I can't even remember what they look like as I stare into Edwards's gorgeous green pools. "I"ll let you know tomorrow." I laugh.

"Sometimes I just don't understand women." Edward rolls his eyes.

"It's not just women." I defend myself. "You know you shouldn't sleep with women on tour because chances are she'll be under 18 or an STD riddled whore and you'll get yourself into trouble but I bet you do it anyway."

His eyebrows raise and he wants to argue but I can tell from the look on my face that I'm right. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he defends.

"You're such a liar." I laugh. "I can tell by that stupid little grin that you know exactly what I'm talking about." He shakes his head and laughs, trying his best to brush it off and forget about it.

"Why don't you just forget about him," he changes the subject. "If it's such a complicated situation. Just bail."

I sigh. "I've tried, like a dozen times. But every time he ends up showing up at my apartment acting all mopey and cute and... I don't really need to be telling you all of this. My relationship problems should be the very last thing on your mind."

He stops walking and looks at me. "You're wrong. This is exactly what I need to be hearing. I don't need any more medical talk or symphathy. I want normal. I want a normal conversation with a normal girl."

"Well, I'm not exactly normal. But I'll try my best for you." I smile and bore him with more details about my relationship. And he just listens and smiles.

Shortly into our walk Edward starts to look ill and admits that this is a little too much work for him and his failing kidney so we stop for a rest at a restaurant. He doesn't eat. He just watches me eat with lustful eyes. I _really _need a new kidney," he says licking his lips. "I don't know how long I can do this for." He doesn't look at me. He looks at my food as it travels from my plate to my mouth. "How does it taste?" He tilts his head to the side and watches me chew. It's kind of creepy.

"It's good,' I admit, pushing my food around on my plate suddenly feeling guilty. But he insisted on taking me out to dinner. He said if he couldn't enjoy the food anymore than at least someone should. But I don't know why he wanted to bare witness to it. It is a little creepy how he is watching me eat.

"I think I'm going to like working with you, Bella," he says rather suddenly as he breaks out of his trance.

I look up from my plate and smile at him. "I think I'm going to like working with you too." The rest of the dinner was eaten in silence. He continued to stare and drool and kind of freak me out in general about it. He insisted that I order a dessert and the creepfest continues. And it's kind of hard for me to tell if he's staring because he has some kind of food fetish or just really really misses eating. I hope it's the later. As soon as I am finished we walk outside and I hail him a taxi, sending him home with the promise that we would do this again very shortly.


	4. 4: Lover I Don't Have to Love

**Chapter 4**

**Lover I Don't Have To Love**

A week passed and all the details of my job with Edward had been worked out. Now I again found myself stuck in a hospital. This time I had a camera in tow. I felt nauseous. And I apparently looked nauseous. "I thought the whole point of this was to get more people willing to donate." Esme scowled. "How the fuck are you going to do that if you look like you're about to die." She rolls her eyes at me. "It's just a little fucking needle taking a little fucking blood."

I sit up straighter, per the cameraman's request. "It's not the needle." I sigh, fidgeting uncomfortably. "It's the camera," I lie. Well, it is partially the camera. But mostly it's the blood. I hate blood. Especially mine. "If I wanted to be on camera I would have gone into broadcasting. I ob-"

But she cuts me off and informs me that she is in dire need of a cigarette. Edward walks into the room, looking a little more pale than normal. "Well, she's being a bit more cunt-y than normal."

I am immediately more at ease. I'm not sure if it is the appearance of a new friend or maybe the fact that he just said my boss was cunt-y. "I'm not sure that's a word. Personally, I would have gone with more of a cunt." I nod, and the cameraman rolls his eyes at our childish behavior and the amount of editing that will be needed.

"Whatever." He shrugs. "You're the word expert." I open my mouth to correct him but I just smile and sigh.

Behind him walks a camera crew in tow. "You have one too!" I smile as he rolls his eyes. "I didn't know you were going to be here." I say, patting the space beside me on the hospital bed.

"I had dialysis anyway so I thought I would come and keep you company. But I can see you have plenty."

I roll my eyes. "I would rather not have the camera crew. And Esme is too much of a camera whore to miss this. And I'm pretty sure she just wants to make me miserable enough to quit so she can get someone else to take this job."

"Why?" He questions.

I stretch my arms out in front of me. "She's all about the glitz and glamour and I'm-"

"An actual human being." He finishes, and looks to me.

"Something like that." I smile at him. "Mostly I think it's because I'm the new girl. She kind of is fond of adult hazing. Make sure that you're tough or whatever before she allows you to be a full-fledged member of her team. It sucks but I'm hoping that in the end it will be worth it."

"They aren't going to make you put on a hospital gown?"

I smile. "No one wanted _my _bare ass to be shown on camera."

"I do." He shakes his head quickly, trying to correct himself. "I mean, I _had_ to. Wear a gown. Get my ass on camera." He pouts. "And I'm sure they would all rather see your ass than mine." I can feel my face grow hot as I blush.

"I thought we concluded that you had a nice ass." I laugh and at that moment Esme walks back into the room, the smell of stale nicotine following her.

"Bella, quit fraternizing. I know it's hard for a home wreaker like you to keep her legs closed for this long, but please try. For the sake of your career."

I know it's just a very Esme thing to say. She's like that with everyone. I lower my head bite my lip, wishing there weren't two cameras to catch and document that particular moment of my life. But Edward comes to my rescue. "Thanks for stopping by to show your concern but I think we can handle it from here." And he ushers her out the door.

"Thanks," I say softly. "She's not always such a bitch. She can be a really nice person when you get to know her. And she hasn't dated in awhile so I think she needs to get laid. I'm rambling again…" I shrug.

"No, I think you had a fantastic idea there. She needs a man and we are going to find her one. It will be our secret mission."

And thankfully the doctor finally walks into the room. A very blonde and very handsome doctor. It's like I've walked into a soap opera. Gorgeous rock stars. Young and handsome doctors. I love this article!

I'm told that it is normally a nurse that does this sort of thing but for the sake of the camera's we insisted that the doctor do it himself. "I'm Dr. Cullen. How are we today, Ms Swan?" He asks, wheeling his stool in front of me. "Mr. Mason! How lovely of you to join us." Edward and I simply nod and let the doctor continue. "Okay, Ms Swan." He scoots his stool closer to me.

"Bella, please," I insist.

"Okay, Bella." He nods. "Today is going to be real simple." He lifts the file from the foot of the bed and examines it. "I see you are the picture of health right now." I simply nod. He really doesn't need to do all this for the sake of the camera, I'd rather just get it over with. "I'm going to draw a few small vials of blood and you are going to be on your way." He smiles a very fake and cheesy smile that almost makes me want to vomit, but I suppose that it's what all doctors do. It's not like they can actually care about every single person that walks through the door. Especially a case like this. But he does get a lot of exposure for it. He walks over to the counter and picks up a sterile needle wrapped in plastic.

"Before you do this," I interject. "Would you mind explaining to the cameras exactly what this is for?" I've done my research I know all about the blood typing tests and what is to follow. But for the sake of the rest of the audience, I think a bit of an explanation would help. And he loves his one on one with the camera.

This is the stage that all possible donors take part in. A simple blood test to make sure that the donor would match the recipient. And it's not as simple as A, B, AB or O-it's matching the rh factor and antigens and any number of other unique blood type factors. If you are considered a good match then they will go farther to prove it with the HLA tissue typing test. They make a serum composed of mostly the recipient's blood and mix it with the possible donor's blood. If the donor's cells are killed off by the serum the recipient would reject that individual's kidney and nothing farther is done. If the donor's cells survive they continue with the donation process. If you pass stage one then you will be considered for the donation process. There are counseling sessions to prove your sanity, make sure you are willing/able to take time off of work to recover, many doctor visits to prove that you are healthy enough for the donation process and a million other things that they consider to cover their asses from a lawsuit. And if you pass stage two, stage three is simple. Another crossmatch is done a week before the surgery just in case the results have changed, which frequently does happen. And if all goes well they will finally do the transplant.

It took me a half an hour to do all that research and to write my article on it and Dr. Cullen nearly took a half an hour just to describe stage one. I nod, letting him know that I understand and he swabs my arm with iodine, painlessly pushes the needle into my arm and draws two vials of my blood. I look away and do my best not to pass out. "How long does it usually take to get the results?" I question, my voice shaky. I turn my head just in time to see him tape a ball over the small drop of blood left on the crook of my arm. My stomach churns.

"A few days." He replies. "It depends on how busy the lab gets. Edward and I nod. Dr. Cullen talks more about the transplant process and tells me how wonderful it is for me to be doing this article. And finally he lets us leave.

I have my hand on my car when Edward stops me. "How about we go out for lunch again?"

I furrow my brow in exaggerated thought. "If I recall correctly, last time I ate and you were the creepy man who watched me eat."

Edward laughed and scratched his face. "Yeah, that was pretty bad." I reach for the door handle. "It's just that-I don't want to go back to the apartment yet." He shrugs and I see that lost little boy look in his eye. He just wants to go back to being normal. Eating and drinking and getting to hang out with his friends.

"Sure." I say and open my door. "Under one condition." I smirk. "We don't eat."

"I think I can handle that." Edward smiles.

We agree on a movie. And as difficult as it is, I resist the urge to get myself some popcorn. Edward needed to watch the movie, not drool over me eating popcorn. I did catch him glance at the nearly full tub of popcorn the couple in front of us abandoned when the movie started. I tried to convince myself that his somber look was that of resentment as he thought of starving children all over the world but when I heard his stomach rumble I knew I was just kidding myself. By the time the movie ended my stomach was rumbling and Edward offered to take me out. I refused and we argued for a bit before finally agreeing to go back to his apartment and eating whatever was there appropriate for his diet. We settled for a rather bland omelet. He poured me a large glass of water and watched me from across the table as I drink took a large gulp of water and he took a sip from the nearly empty water bottle he took from the fridge. "There you go creeping me out again." I laugh uncomfortably.

"Sorry." He blushes. "The doctors only allow me 12 oz of water a day." He lifts the bottle. "This is all I get. And maybe an ice chip to suck on if I'm that thirsty."

"No wonder you ogle."

"I don't ogle!" he interjects. "Maybe a little. But you would ogle too!"

"I'd be a little stealthier about my ogling." I rest my elbows on the table.

"I thought I was being stealthy," he pouts

He leans forward and watches me take another drink of water. "That's not stealthy." I laugh as soon as I put my glass down.

"I'm not trying to be." He shakes his head. He goes back to looking at me in that very creepy way, and I'm not even drinking anymore! "I would very much like to kiss you now."

I stop laughing and an awkward silence falls between us. "Edward," I start but don't really know what to finish with. I would very much like to kiss him. But I know I can't.

He has moved out of his chair and into the one beside me, his body dangerously close to mine. "Shh," he silences me, his hand reaching for my face.

"Edward," I interject again. "We can't." But I don't even convince myself.

"Why not?" He hardly waits a second for me to answer. His lips are on mine, and his tongue is dancing in my mouth.

Ten seconds later there is a soft clatter and we pull apart and look to the camera man. Our faces fall like two teenagers caught in the act. I guess they are right about reality TV, you really do forget about the cameras. I stand, my hand gripping the chair for support as I bite my lip. "That's why." I gather my things quickly.

"Bella," Edward says following me. "I'm sorry." He grabs my arm and spins me around to face him.

"Fuck! I'm going to lose my job over this, Edward." I stare at him, trying to look angry and defiant.

"You aren't going to lose your job."

"There are rules!" I shout. "I can't get involved with you!" I run my fingers through my hair and sigh. "I always do this. I have to go after the guy that I can't have. I did it with James and I'm doing it with you."

Edward follows me as I pace around his apartment. "Doing what?"

"I couldn't have James. That was easy. We were always just about sex. And I was okay with that. I knew where I stood and I knew that I wouldn't get hurt if I never got attached. And now you. I know I can't have you. There are two rules to journalism. You never give up a source and you don't get involved with the story."

"What are you talking about?" he asks, stepping in front of me to stop my pacing.

My heart is racing and my head is spinning and somehow in the confusion his lips are again locked to mine. His hand travels up the back of my shirt and presses me closer to him. We pull apart just long enough for me to pull the T-shirt over his head. His fingers tangle in my hair then slowly trail down my back, rubbing gently. His fingers reach the bottom of my button down shirt and he pulls, the buttons pop off and scatter over the floor as he starts to lead me to the bedroom. My back hits his sheets and I open my eyes, the blades of his ceiling fan spinning as his lips move down my neck. His hands reach the button of my pants and I sit up. "I have to go." And I walk out, camera close behind and Edward right after that and he is followed by. I cross my arms over my torn shirt and I run.

I reach my car quickly and the cameraman is there stopping me. "I'm supposed to follow you."

"Then get in," I demand and unlock the doors before speeding away.

I walk into the apartment fighting the tears of regret that stung in my eyes. Jacob opens his mouth as I walk into the room, another cameraman sitting on the couch with him waiting to relieve whoever was trailing me. I put my hand up to keep Jacob from questioning me and walk to my room.

I find a familiar face waiting for me in my bed. I fidget with my shirt, again crossing my arms to keep the shirt closed. "What are you doing here?" I question trying to be coy and cool. He smiles and lights a cigarette. I let my shirt fly open. "It doesn't matter." I shake my head and slither out of my pants. I turn and close my door before joining James in bed.


	5. 5: I Don't Care What You Call Me

**Chapter 5**

**I Don't Care What You Call Me**

Three days passed. I've been avoiding all of my duties. I've been avoiding all of Edward's calls. And I've really been avoiding Esme's calls. I am aware from the messages that were left on the answering machine, that Edward called to talk to Esme pretty much immediately after our little…incident. And I have no idea what the two of them have worked out. I'm terrified to find out. Knowing Esme, she'll think it was a great idea and try to seduce Edward to get more camera time.

And as if someone could read my mind, my phone rang again. I don't even bother to look. It's either Edward or Esme or…James. I've been avoiding him too. That was a mistake. He's always been a mistake. I need to stop making mistakes.

"Are you ever going to answer the god damned phone?" Jacob shouts through my door.

"No," I yell back. "But you are more than welcome to."

And I'm assuming that he does just because the phone has stopped ringing. "It's Edward," Jacob shouts through my closed door. "He wants to know what color panties you are wearing." I throw open my door and glare at Jacob. I don't even have to speak. "I may have made that last part up." He smiles innocently and hands me the phone. "Play nice."

I continue to glare and place my hand over the phone as I talk to Jacob. "I'm going to slit your throat in your sleep."

Jacob rolls his eyes and turns his back to me. "You're going to be too busy. Plus, it would be really stupid if you did it while you still had a camera constantly in tow." He smirks over his shoulder and disappears.

I groan and finally answer the phone call. I guess you could say that it goes well. There was no yelling or swearing or anything like that. It was just an awkward conversation between two friends who almost had sex with each other. On camera. And for some reason, I agreed to meet at his place. But this time I am going to be nothing but professional. Strictly business.

And when I get to Edward's apartment the only thing I can think about is ripping off his clothes and continuing where we left off last time. But I am being professional and sitting as far away from him as possible, completely avoiding the subject of our almost sexual encounter and incessantly looking at the camera to remind me of its presence this time.

"Bella, let's just talk like adults." Edward sighs and rubs his temples.

"We are. We have been," I say again looking to the camera. "It's nothing personal, Edward." I pause and bite my lip. "You're a great guy. And I'm sure you could be a great friend to anyone who needs one. But I have to think of my job first. That is my number one priority. You are simply a bridge from me to my story."

"Don't bullshit yourself like that," he scoffs, rolling his eyes. "The story is the bridge from you to me." He stares, his eyes sparkling with flirtation. But I don't respond and I can tell that he is beginning to get annoyed. I honestly don't know why the kid is trying so hard to have sex with me. I'm just one girl in millions. He's hot and famous, you think he'd pick someone a little better than just simple me. I just sit there with my back straight and my lips pursed in a pout. "And if I've ever seen someone in need of a friend it's you."

"I have friends!" I snap back, and realize that I am letting him get to me. I can't let him do that because then he will win. "And I must say you are not being very professional. I thought I was invited here to discuss our arrangements for this job."

Edward sighs and gets out of his chair with a little difficulty, his body fatigued. But that doesn't stop him from jumping over the coffee table separating us and again attaching his lips to mine. And I can't resist kissing him back. Damn that boy. But as soon as his hands start to trace my body I pull away. I look at his disappointed face and nod to the camera. "We can't do this."

Edward nodded and sighed, backing away from me. "Sorry." He slowly sat back. "So where were we?"

I sigh and shake my head. A common side effect of kissing Edward: confusion. I can't think of anything else. "I have no fucking idea." And I am saved by the bell. I smile to excuse myself and answer my phone. The hospital has called to let set up an appointment with us. "Good news." I smile at Edward. "Off to the hospital we go. We will have something to fill the awkward silences that keep falling between us."

He smirks and raises a brow. "Well, I had an idea to fill those so-called awkward silences but you didn't go for that."

I roll my eyes. "Just get in the car."

The drive to the hospital is weird. Edward insisted on driving. He's a man-it's what they do. Or so he says. I just sit there quietly and pray that we get this over with soon because every second I'm around him I begin to like him more and more.

We walk to Dr. Cullen's office and thankfully Esme isn't there to whore herself out for the cameras this time. Dr. Cullen is sitting in his desk, waiting for us with a large smile on his face. This man loves the camera attention way too much. "Nice to see you both again." And we nod in acknowledgment. "Now I'm sure you're wondering why I called you here."

No, I do know why we were called in here. I requested that my results be shared face-to-face in front of cameras. His smile seemed to grow even wider, it's sickening. And this long pause is really annoying. "So…" I prompted. I'm a rather impatient person. I just want the results and to leave so I can begin to work on my next part of my article. The faster we get all of this done. The faster I get away from the temptation that is Edward.

"We found a match," he finally let out.

"You found a match," Edward's echoed, mouth agape in shock.

Well, this is moving along perfectly. With that simple sentence the amount of time I expected this to last has just been cut in half. Part of me is excited. Part of me is a little sad at the prospect of getting rid of Edward that fast. "Who?" I ask softly. "One of the rabid fans? One of their mothers that their bribing?"

Dr. Cullen's smile somehow managed to grow even wider. "You."

I drew my brow and gasped, "Me?" I probably should have seen that one coming. It is just my luck after all.

He nodded. "You."

"Oh," was the only response I could find. I looked to Edward, who had a genuine smile plastered on his face. "So…So where do we go from here?"

"That all depends on you." The doctor nods. "With your consent we continue on with the transplant." We all nod. "Obviously we all want to do this as soon as possible so that Mr. Mason can get on with his life and you with yours." He could say that again.

I nod and smile. "Then let's get this thing started."

It takes another hour of questions, endless pamphlets, forms to look over, scheduling more tests than I could count and everything in between before we are walking out of the hospital. And I am forced to drive back to Edward's place with him. We've been pretty quiet since we got to the hospital.

We were nearly to his apartment before he interrupts the silence. "You had to know that was coming."

"Excuse me?" I say, looking at him, he hadn't been able to stop smiling since the news that I was going to be his donor.

"You had to have known that you were going to be my match, right?"

I shake my head. "No." I look out the window and watch the scenery pass by. "How could I?"

We pull into his parking garage and step out of the car. "You couldn't feel it?" He walks over to me and stands in front of me, trapping me between him and the car.

Again I shake my head. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Bella, let's be honest." He licks his lips and smirks. "You couldn't feel that we were connected somehow? From the very beginning you couldn't tell that this was going to be more than an article?"

"No." I shake my head and force myself to stare towards the camera. "I take my work seriously. Sometimes it distracts me."

"I know. And I do too. But…there is something between us. And you know it." He leans forward and whispers in my ear. "You wouldn't be fighting so hard if you didn't feel it."

I feel my knees start to grow weak and I am tempted to just give in and get it over with. Because my track record is not good at resisting temptations. But I'm really going to try. And maybe this time will be the first time that I will succeed. I take in a big breath. "The only thing I am fighting against is unwarranted advances from you." I push him back a little bit. "Now if you will excuse me, I have some work I have to do."

I walk over to my car and Edward calls out to me. "You know you're never going to get rid of me." He smirks. "You're going to become a part of me."

"It's just a kidney, Edward." I smirk back and open my door. "I never really liked it anyway."

"But you do like me!" he shouts as I closed my door and drove away. He is one persistent man. And I am one weak willed woman. This is not going to end well.


	6. 6: I Would Make You Up

**Chapter 6**

**If You Weren't Real I Would Make You Up**

The horse faced woman, pushes her thick frames back in place. "What do you see in this one?" She holds up another Rorschach inkblot.

"Two moose heads kissing." I roll my eyes and roll my head, trying to relax my neck muscles. "They got in a fight about making a baby moose head. Now they're making up."

"How about this one?" She switches cards.

I lean forward and rest my head in my hands. I am really sick of this physiological evaluation. "A bunny rabbit laughing at me."

"Why is he laughing?"

"First of all, it's a _she _bunny." I sigh loudly. "And _she_ is laughing at me because I am stuck here trying to prove that I am sane by looking at random shapes on poster boards and making up stories for them."

"Good." She nods. And I really wish that psychologists learned how to have a sense of humor in all those years of schooling that they had. "And this one?" She holds up another and I again sigh.

"The big bad wolf. After it ate grandma."

"Why after?"

I groan. She really doesn't get humor. Possibly I should be holding these out for her. "Because it's smiling. I don't think wolves smile much when they're hungry."

"Why is everything so happy?" She puts the pictures on her desk and begins to scribble in her notebook.

"I don't know. These tests are bullshit anyway. I answered them all correctly. They were all logical and within the realm of possibility. I haven't confessed the desire to maim or murder anyone. None of my answers reflect that, unless you count the big bad wolf eating grandma. And that one was sarcasm. Look it up in the dictionary if you don't understand."

She smiles and her hand writes furiously in her stupid little notebook. "And where is this hostility coming from?" She looks up at me.

I lean forward, my head inches away from hers. She looks uncomfortable. Actual human interaction seems to be a foreign concept when she has that white coat on. "Becasue I have been sitting in this chair for the past five hours. And I just want this to be over with. I want you to sign that stupid little paper declaring me sane so I can continue on this stupid little journey to prove myself medically sound and give up my god damned kidney. I don't need it. I don't care much about it." I exhale, her face hasn't moved. "Now are we done?"

"Why don't you care about your kidney?"

I sit back and sigh. To quote Edward, she needs to stop being so cunt-y. "I get it. This is your job. But you are being very irritating."

"And why do you say that?" The woman again adjusts her glasses.

I scowl. "You are just like my mother. You have to know everything."

"So you have mother issues?" She crosses her legs.

This just keeps getting worse and worse. "No. I do not." I cross my arms. "I think I liked the stupid cards better. Do those again."

"Let's talk about the surgery."

I sigh. "I know all about it. And I want to do it. How much longer until you prove me sane?" She doesn't respond. She just sits there a creepy smile on her long horse like face. My mouth opens in shock. "I am failing?"

"This surgery isn't something to jump into." She finally speaks.

"I know." I nod. "Do you really think I'm insane?" 

"Miss Swan," she leafs through the manila folder with my name on it. "According your file, you are doing this for your job."

"Yeah." I nod again.

"You have to understand my concerns with that."

I shake my head. "I have not been coerced into this. I'm a journalist. I wanted to write about transplants and the whole procedure to gain some interest. Maybe generate some interest for someone out there to do it too. Maybe make a difference. Save a life. Do something more constructive than spring fashion." I pause and she cocks her head inquisitively. "And to be fair, I didn't have to do it myself. I just happened to match. And I'm glad. I'm making a difference for at least one person."

She waits, I don't know if I'm supposed to continue or not. "Your match," she speaks softly, tapping her pen on her notepad. "I understand that he was your…subject, so to say."

"Edward?" I question straightening my posture out. "Yeah. He's the one that started it, so to say."

"Did that help or hinder your decision?"

I furrow my brow. "Why would it hinder? Regardless of who the person was I would have made the same decision. I wouldn't deny someone the chance of a better life."

"You are aware of all the risks and complications?"

I nod slowly. "Very."

"Very well." She nods and scribbles more. "I think you've done very well today. Congratulations. You are officially sane."

Thank fucking God.

The rest of the week is filled with more exhausting and annoying tests. They took my urine. They took my blood. They took more urine. They've shoved me full of needles and dyes and God knows what else. I've been stuffed into small machines, had X-rays taken and an ultrasound done. I am so sick of looking at my kidney, and being told just how beautiful it was. It looked like some freakish space alien thing to me, especially when they did the test to look at all the blood vessles in it. That was just a creepy, pulsing, veiny mess of a space alien. But the good news is... I passed them all.

And now I am sitting in my car, gathering the courage to go inside the building. I was invited to a private dinner with Edward and his friends. I've seen Edward and talked to him. He is an amazing friend. But every time we are together, I have to fight so hard to remain professional. I am a flirt by nature. And I don't want that to be taken the wrong way.

I sigh and walk into the restaurant. I simply say my name and the maître d ushers me to the backroom for the VIP treatment.

"Bella!" Edward shouts and wraps his arms around me in a bear hug. It seems that the news of recieving a kidney has done a great deal to help him gain some strenght back.

"Hey, Edward." I smile and sit in the empty seat next to him, presumably left for me.

"How are you?"

"The doctors say I am the picture of perfect health. And you?"

He shrugs. "My kidney's don't work."

Emmett walks over and puts his arms around the both of us. "But this lovely lady is going to fix that." He smiles at me. "We all appreciate what you're doing."

I smile nervously. "It's what any decent human being would have done."

"A toast!" Emmett commands, lifting up a glass of champagne and handing one to me. "To Bella!"

"I can't." I shake my head and push it away. He pouts and I just shake my head. "For the health of Edward's future kidney, I am on alcohol probation."

He just ignores me and continues to celebrate. Next is the fancy food that is always said in French and is so ridiculously over priced, especially since that isn't going to fill up an infant. And the party rages on.

"Don't mind them," Edward leans to whisper in my ear as I watch Emmett run around the room, trying to pants everyone. "They're all just excited that I'm getting a kidney."

"They should be." I look at his disappointed face with a furrowed brow as I light a cigarette.

"It's not because I'm getting a kidney." He shakes his head. "It's because they don't have to worry. They won't have to put their lives and dreams on hold for me. They won't have to act concerned any more."

"But they are concerned." I watch as Jasper drinks straight from a bottle of tequila.

His face falls. "If they were. They wouldn't be doing this." He shakes his head. "If this party were really for me, we would be at home. This is for them. Things are almost back to normal. I won't be fucking up anyone's lives anymore." I want to protest and insist that he's wrong. But the look on his face lets me know that he is convinced otherwise. "I'm surrounded by all the things that I want and that I can't have. Cigarettes." I quickly snuff mine out with a look of guilt. "Food. Alcohol." He shrugs. "You."

"Edward," I sigh. The urge to light another cigarette is strong. The urge to take the bottle from Jasper and chug is even stronger.

"I know." He nods. "I know." His face falls. "You don't have to explain it again." A long silence falls between us.

The room on the other hand, is far from quiet. Jasper is drinking like it's his job, pausing occasionally to make out with his girlfriend and her hands seemed to have found their home inside of his pants. Emmett is showing off his dance moves on another table, his pants sagging so low that I can see his crack. And that's when it hits me. It's not that they don't care. They do. But this party is for them. Edwards kind of celebration would be a simple one at home. Not an entire entourage of people and beer and fancy over priced food. It's been an hour since anyone has acknowledged us. It's fine to ignore me, they don't really know me. But Edward? This is his night. And it depresses me.

I stand quickly and let my chair fall to the floor with a loud thud that is drowned out with the sounds of the party. No one even so much as looks in our direction. I hold out my hand. "Let's get out of here." I tilt my head towards the door and smirk. He takes my hand and we rush out in a fit of giggles.

"Thank you," he sighs as we reach the safety of my car. "How long do you think until they notice?"

"With the amount of alcohol being consumed," I stop and think. "When they wake up tomorrow morning, if at all."

I drive to my favorite spot. It's a little cold. Or a lot cold, if you're like me. I pile on my hat and gloves and scarf and pull out the extras I keep in my trunk for Edward. He looks good in pink. I help him through the darkened trail and off the darkened trail until we reach my rock. I sit down and pull him beside me. The view is almost more beautiful at night. The stillness and soft glow of the moon making it even more peaceful and picturesque. I stare out to the small waterfall and sigh. In a few short weeks this will all be frozen. "There is a trail that takes you around. But I like this stop the best." I shrug and huddle closer to Edward.

"It's beautiful," he says softly. I keep my eyes trained on the lake below and refuse to look at Edward. "It looks just like a picture."

"I like to come here when I need peace and quiet. When I just need to get away from everything and everyone." I rest my head on his shoulders. "I thought you would appreciate something like that." My breaths turn to small puffs of smoke. "We are the only two people who know about this spot."

"Now I'll know where to find you." He smiles and nudges me with a laugh. "You won't be able to hide from me now."

I laugh. "I wasn't able to before." And the next moment our cold lips meet. And despite my desire to be professional. My desire for him is stronger.

We pull apart and we rest our foreheads together. "I know this is the part where you usually tell me that we just made a mistake but can you just skip that part?"

I shake my head and suck in my bottom lip. "I like you, Edward." I sigh, finally saying it out loud. "And I know I shouldn't."

He kisses my forehead softly. I can feel the smile on his lips. "I like you too."

A snowflake falls on my nose and I smile. The first snow this year. "So what happens now?"

"I think we should date." Edward nods.

I pout. "I'd lose my job."

"I don't think so," A voice calls from behind us. I turn to look at the camera man. Damn them for being so stealthy. "Every good story needs a romance."


	7. 7: Waving of the White

**Chapter 7**

**Waiving of the White**

I sat like a nervous child in Esme's office. I knew that the highlights of filming were sent to her last night and I know that she watched them and I know what had to be on them. I was fucked. But she just sat across from me and smiled. She was going to get such satisfaction from taking me off this assignment and giving it to Lauren. I groan as another minute ticks past. "Just get it over with."

"Get what over with?" Esme questions me.

"I know you know." I lean forward. "So just say what you want to say and get it over with."

"What do I know?"

She was like a little girl teasing the boys on the playground. Very un-Esme-like. "What is going on?" I raise an eyebrow. "You hate suspense as much as I do. You speak your mind immediately. So what's the hold up?"

She still doesn't respond. She folds her hands and stares at me the corners of her mouth pulled up in an awkward smile. "Oh, fuck!" She exclaims and throws her hands up in the air. "I'm no good at this."

"Yeah, I know. Just go back to being a bitch." Not something most people can get away with saying to their boss, but I think Esme kind of likes it.

"You are in the wrong line of work, sweetheart. The camera loves you. And so does Edward. Which you are not going to get fired for. I love it! The producers love it! The people will love it!" I cannot formulate a response. This is not what I was expecting. "It couldn't get anymore perfect. Two strangers brought together by fate in this tragedy. You end up giving him a part of yourself and you fall in love! It's a hallmark movie, but in real life. It sickens me! And I loved every second of it!"

"I don't get it." Is all I can say. My voice small and weak. I'm still waiting for her to laugh in my face and tell me I'm fired.

She rolls her eyes at me. "What? Are you fucking stupid?" she yells at me. There is the Esme that I know. "Go have sex with Edward!"

Really not expecting that. "I'm sorry?"

"Jesus Christ! You seriously have to be the dumbest person alive! Edward likes you. You like Edward. That means you two should have sex. It's what normal people do." She speaks slowly with a condescending tone, as if I were a child. Classic Esme.

I lick my lips and lean forward. "Let me get this straight." I take a deep breath. "You want me and Edward to…"

"Go get yourself a piece of that hot ass," I stare at her, still waiting for the punchline. "Have sex. Fuck. Fornicate. Do the hibity-dibity. Kiss. Make out. Date. Whatever the fuck people who like each other do. It makes for great TV. I want great TV. _We_ want great TV."

I sit there and still try to process the information she had given me. But she doesn't let me. "Why are you still sitting there?" I don't respond. I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be a rhetorical question. "Go find Edward and fuck his brains out. You deserve it." And this is where she is going to fire me. Still no yelling. She stares at me with increasing annoyance. But she still doesn't yell. She just shakes her head. "Just get the fuck out of my office," she lowers her voice in annoyance.

Wow. I'm at a loss here. I was sure I was going to get fired but instead, I think I'm being pressured into having sex with Edward. I feel very awkward. "Sure," is the only word that fumbles from my lips as I leave her office and make my way back to my apartment.

"Jacob, sweetie. You will never guess what just happened." I laugh as I enter my apartment.

"I don't know if I like you calling another man, sweetie." Edward looks at me from my couch.

I take a step back. "What are you doing here?"

"Your sweetie let me in before he left."

"He's my best friend since childhood. We've never had sex." I say suddenly. Real smooth.

"Good to know," Edward chuckles. There is an awkward silence that falls between us for a minute before Edward pats the cushion beside him. "How was work?" He questions as I sit beside him.

The stupid grin on his face gives me all the information. "Esme called you."

"Huh?" He tries a little too hard to be confused.

"My boss told you to seduce me!" I jump up and point at him in shook.

He laughs and shakes his head nervously. "I came to seduce you but your boss had nothing to do with it." He's so cute when he's lying. I cross my arms over my chest and raise an eyebrow. "Alright. Esme told me. But she did not make me come. She encouraged it, yes. But I did want to. I have for awhile."

I nod my head. "I know." I sit down beside him again. "So what do we do now? Do we like, date, officially?"

"I have a better idea." He raises an eyebrow suggestively and I have to remind him of the presence of the cameras. "A kiss?" He tries with a shrug of the shoulders.

I bite my lip and contemplate for a moment. I want to kiss him. Everyone knows that by now. But it is a little awkward to have an audience for it. Fuck it. I lean in and place my lips on his. It's a little weird at first. Mostly because I can't stop thinking about how many people are going to witness this in the future but Edward possesses some sort of magic. Shortly after, my mind couldn't wander off the subject of Edward as his hand slips under the fabric of my shirt. I grab his hand and pull it away from me. I sigh and pull away. "At least buy me dinner or something first."

"Well, what do you want? Dinner? Or Something?"

"Surprise me." I smile at him.

An hour later, we're lying on my floor chopsticks in hand, eating the meal that Edward had delivered. I've finished half of my plate and look to Edward, who is still struggling with his chopsticks. I roll my eyes and let out a small laugh. "Just use a fork." I push one towards him.

"No, it's more fun this way." He pouts, the bland chicken falling from the wooden sticks again.

I laugh and watch him struggle for another minute before wrapping a rubber band around the top of his chopsticks. The next bite makes it all the way to his mouth. "Thanks." He smiles at me. He quickly finishes his small portion and looks at me. "Okay, so I obliged." Edward nodded, being a polite guest and clearing his plate. "You got your dinner. Now it's time for my something." He wiggled his eyebrows.

I sigh and roll my eyes. Typical guy. Always has sex on his mind. "I think that we should discuss this first."

"Discuss what?" He glares at me. "We got the green light from your boss. No more excuses." He shakes his head. "Plus, you don't discuss sex, you just do it."

"We're still on camera!" I defend myself.

Edward exhales loudly. "Don't worry about the cameras."

"How can I not worry about them?" I stare at the man video taping me from behind Edward.

"Just ignore them." Edward shrugs. "You knew that there would be cameras when you signed yourself up for this."

I look up at him. "Actually I didn't."

We sit silent for a moment. "What would we be doing if there were no cameras?" Edward questions me.

I shrug and give the obvious answer as I take another bite. "Eating this naked from my bed. Assuming that you were decent in bed the first time."

"So you can say all that on camera but not do it." Edward shakes his head at me.

"I'm not a porn star!" I defend myself.

"You've never had sex on film before?" He raises an eyebrow speculatively.

I drop my chopsticks onto my plate. "Edward, what if my mother sees this? Or God forbid my father! Are you aware that he is the chief of police in Forks? He would always bring out his collection of guns to clean every time I brought a guy home to scare them. And he actually loaded his rifle once when he thought I was going to have sex."

He turns to face the camera. "If you're watching, Mr. Swan, please cover your ears." He turns back to me. "Better?"

"No," I snap.

"No, you're not better. Or no, you haven't filmed yourself having sex."

I give him a stern look. "_I've_ never filmed myself having sex."

"So it was always your boyfriend's idea," he says, nodding in approval.

"Edward! Inappropriate." I fling some rice at him.

"Come on, we're dating now. We can freely discuss this stuff."

"Not on camera." I pout. "And who said we were dating." I raise an eyebrow.

"I said that we were dating. And stop it with the stupid cameras." He rolls his eyes. "They're going to be there for like the next year. Get used to it."

"I don't want to get used to it."

Edward rolls into his back and stares at me. "Fine. You'll forget all about it when I dazzle and amaze you with my prowess in bed."

"Edward!" I shout, my mouth full of food. "I don't even think you are supposed to be having sex."

"Whoa!" He rolls closer to me. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you're not healthy. You're weak and dehydrated and having sex can't be good for you in this condition." I shrug.

"False!" he screams at me. "Sex can _never _be bad for you! Sex will make me so much better. You have no idea. And if you are really concerned for my well being, you should be on top. Take complete control of me. Help me conserve some energy." I glare at him and he again sighs.

"Edward," I whine. But I don't know where to go from there. Would I like to make out with him? Yes. Would I like to have sex with him? Yes. Does that make me a whore? Probably. I twist my face as I concentrate. And I'm sure it makes me look like an ass, but it is helping me to think. To have sex or not to have sex, that is the question. This sort of decision usually requires mass amounts of alcohol. God damn alcohol probation. I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling.

It takes a minute before Edward is in my line of vision, hovering over me. "What are you doing?" He questions me, furrowing his brow.

"Thinking," I sigh.

"How's that working for you?"

"It's not." I shake my head.

He sighs and looks deeply into my eyes. "I would be more than willing to help you if you would only tell me what the problem was."

I blink a few times before responding. "That's the problem." I sigh and pull him in for a hug. "There is no problem." I pause for a second and feel his heart begin to race against my chest. "It's too easy. Things are never that easy." I pout.

He pulls away and again lets his emerald eyes search me. "Then what the hell are we still talking for?"

And it was that simple. Something that I am not yet used to. "I don't know." I smiled at him and brought my lips to his. It was a soft kiss. A perfect first official kiss. There is no way I'm going to be able to fight him off for very long. So I sigh. "Just so I don't look like a total slut on camera, can we settle for an intense make out session tonight?" I raise an eyebrow in question. He didn't even use words to answer. He just lowered himself on top of me and begins. I hope he doesn't try to go farther, because I will give in. He is a damn good kisser.


	8. 8: What Comes After

**Chapter 8**

**What Comes After**

So I made it through the night with Edward. And by made it through the night, I mean we made out forever and then I had to leave before I gave in to temptation and fucked his brains out. And now it's 3 in the afternoon the next day and I still haven't slept. I've been researching and writing and cleaning and doing everything to keep my mind off of Edward. And it's not working. I need to have sex. I'm wound up. It's like I'm on speed and there is no stopping this until I get laid.

I sit down on the couch beside Jacob. "Calm the fuck down," he demands. "I'm trying to watch Oprah."

"Fuck Oprah!" I shout.

"Fuck you!" Jacob counters. "Honest to god, you're a bitch when you don't get laid."

"Like you're any happier when you don't get fucked," I snap and quickly place my fingers in my mouth, biting at my nails but they've already been bitten down to the quick .

I try to watch TV for awhile but it bores me and I can't keep my legs from shaking. Jacob watches me scrub the kitchen counters for the fifth time before he stands up screaming. "I can't take it anymore! I am leaving. Call me when you finally get laid."

I spend the next half an hour cleaning and recleaning everything I own, including the camera lens, for the appreciative camera guy, until my doorbell rings. "Jacob, you really have to start remembering your key," I groan. But I get a pleasant surprise when I open the door. "Edward." I smile.

"I have a brilliant idea!" He exclaims very excitedly as he enters my apartment.

I close the door and cock my head as I look at him. "What are you wearing?" All I see on him is a large, rather doofus like smile, and a huge tan trench coat. I don't know how this is possible but his smile grows even bigger and he removes the jacket, revealing absolutely nothing underneath. I can't help but laugh.

His smile quickly fades. "Really not what a naked guy wants to hear."

"I'm sorry." I giggle uncontrollably, looking down at his tube socks and tennis shoes. That makes me laugh even harder.

"Really?" He rolls his eyes, throws his head back and places his hands on his hips. Like a large, naked cheerleader, with a penis. "I'm not a small guy… It might be a little cold in here, it is October after all. But still, I think I look impressive…"

I laugh even harder. "It's not that." I laugh hysterically for a few more minutes and Edward just glares at me the entire time. "I'm sorry." I manage to squeak out as I wipe away the tears. I take a few deep breaths and wait for the laughter to slowly die down. When I think I've finally stopped I start again. "It is rather impressive. But this is just getting out of hand." But he won't cover up. He stands there in all his glory, arms crossed against his chest.

It takes me another minute to finally calm down. "I'm sorry. That was a little rude." I chuckle again. "But it had very little to do with your…size." I smile. "I laughed at first because you had this goofy smile then you tore off your pervert jacket and you were _actually _naked! Not what I was expecting. I didn't think that people ever really did that." A few more giggles escape. "Then I notice all you're wearing are tube socks and tennis shoes and that just looked…" I laughed again. "It looked really funny." I bite my lip to try to keep myself from laughing. "Then when I kept on laughing you put your hand on your hip and threw a hissy fit. It was priceless. It just looked so… If only you could see it." I glance over at the camera and laugh again. "You can! I want that tape." I smile at the cameraman.

Edward glares at me for a bit longer. "I did not throw a hissy fit." He defends himself.

"Just a little." I smile. "But in all seriousness. What's your brilliant idea? Why are you naked? And do you remember you are on camera?"

"Yes, I remember I'm on camera. And my brilliant idea _is _to be naked." He explains. And I shake my head. I don't get it. "Since this is going to be airing on TV," Edward smiles. "They can't show me naked." He shrugs. I still don't get it. He rolls his eyes and shakes his pelvis. Must not laugh at the dancing, naked man in tube socks! This is not going to be easy. "As long as I've got my ding-aling hanging out…they can't use these shots. We can do whatever we want."

I clench my jaw and try not to laugh anymore. My stomach hurts from laughing too much already. "You're aware that they can do this neat thing like but a big black box over your…" I can't bring myself to copy him and say ding-aling. "Or this fancy thing called pixalation."

"Damn it!" He curses. "It was worth a try." He shrugs and sits on my couch, still very naked. "But thank you for saying it would be a _big_ black box."

I shrug. "Well, since we've already discussed this rather thoroughly…it is rather impressive." I raise my eyebrows and take a peak. And it only takes a few more seconds for me to erupt into more laughter. "Hey, Edward." I say through the fits of giggles. He exaggerates his head tilt to look at me, with a glare of hatred. "You are aware that you already signed off on this footage."

"Yeah, so?" He shrugs.

"Well, if they ever wanted to release a 'Rock Stars Gone Wild', they already got some great footage."

He scoffs. "They can't do that."

I nod my head. "Or you know, if they wanted to put this on DVD, this would definitely make it to the bonus features. I'm just trying to figure out where…Deleted scenes? Bloopers and outtakes? Or just an extra special surprise?" I tease.

Again he just shakes his head. "Bella, don't be stupid. They can't do that."

I smile and look to the cameraman. "I know you guys aren't supposed to interact but…please tell him that I'm right."

The cameraman doesn't speak he just nods his head.

"Fuck!" Edward shouts. "I didn't bring any clothes!"

"Seriously?" You really thought that it would work?" He doesn't answer. "And after getting naked, what was your plan?"

He reaches for one of my sofa pillows to cover himself. "The plan was to seduce you."

"Obviously I don't know your past dating history, which I wouldn't be surprised if it was very disappointing because if you show up at girls places naked…it's a little on the creepy side."

"Seeing me naked was creepy?"

"No." I shake my head. "Seeing you naked was…seeing you naked. You already knew that I saw your ass and to be honest I got a little more of a peak than that. So the surprise was already kind of ruined."

Edward frowns. I can only imagine what he is thinking. I'm sure he thought that by showing up at my door naked it was somehow going to magically make me get naked. Poor silly little boy. "Well," he shrugs. "Since you've seen me in all my naked glory. Time for you to do the same."

I laugh very loudly and shake my head. "Sorry to disappoint you. But when the cameras are on, so are all my clothes."

"_All_ of them?" Edward raises and eyebrow in question.

I pause and consider. "Anything that you're curious to see will remain under wraps."

"Can we sneak into a dark closet and play a little game of show and tell?"

"You're such a perv. We haven't even officially dated or anything and look at you! Showing up naked at my house. Trying to get me to strip in front of cameras. If I was a normal girl I would have been scared away. Plus, if we're in a dark closet, how are you supposed to see?"

"Fuck! Why did I fall for a genius?"

"Genius?" I raise an eyebrow. "Though my IQ might be above average, I am far from genius levels." I shrug. "But in comparison to you right now, and don't take this in the wrong way because you did show up at my door naked thinking that…I still don't really follow your logic there but it sucked, I look like the smartest person alive." I tease. "Now will you please put some clothes on? If my roommate comes home and finds a naked man on our couch… It could get ugly." Edward quickly stands and throws on his jacket.

An hour later we are the creepy couple in a men's clothing store. I still can't stop laughing and Edward is bitching about finding nothing up to his standards. He really should have thought about all of this before hand. "There is nothing cute in my size," he wines.

"Seriously?" I raise and eyebrow. "You are such a girl." I roll my eyes. "Why didn't you just pack some clothes? Like, what did you think you were going to wear home? Or out, if I asked for another dinner?"

"I was planning on another dinner on the floor at your place. But this time like the one you said we would have if there were no cameras. The kind where we were naked and in bed and exhausted after having hours of blissful sex."

"We are still in front of the cameras." I remind him and throw some T-shirts in his direction but he shakes his head. "You are really thinking way too much about this. They're just clothes. And it's just sex."

"Just sex?" He scoffs. "Just sex? That is like saying that Star Wars is just a movie. Or that apple pie is just…well pie."

"Well, technically…Apple pie is a pie and Star Wars is a movie and sex…well, I don't know what you're thinking about but it is just sex. Involves a penis and a vagina and lots and lots of fun."

"No. Just like all music isn't created equal. Some of it just plain blows. Sex can blow too."

"Yeah, and it's going to if you keep putting this much thought into it. You can't plan it. I'm not going to write you detailed instructions on what I like. Draw you a map to all the good parts or anything. It's just something that happens. We will get there when we get there. You can't plan it. You can't over think it. We just have to go about our days until… the mood hits us both and we just can't stop ourselves from going at it." I shrug, searching through the jeans for something he would deem acceptable. "I was once in a relationship with this guy who had an insane schedule. Weird hours, changing shifts, business trips to… everywhere. We hardly ever got to see each other and when we did, we were both too exhausted to do anything. So we tried to schedule dates. And by dates I mean sex. It was awful. Took all the fun out of the sex. Sex is spontaneous. It's fun. It's exhilarating. It is not something you can schedule or plan or…force. It just has to happen. If you want it to be any good."

Edward has stopped looking for clothes and is staring at me. "You are a wise, wise woman."

"Let's change the subject because apparently talking about sex is not helping you at all." I look right below his belted waist.

"What else can we talk about?" he asks, shifting his weight.

"What did we talk about before?" I laugh.

"Well, either you were interviewing me or I was flirting with you."

I nod. "Let's combine the two. Are you scared?" I forget all about the clothes and all about his nakedness and look at him.

He just shrugs. This is nothing for him. "I'd be more scared if I didn't have a match." He looks away uncomfortably. "And not only do I have a match, but I match a very attractive female. A very attractive female that I hope to sleep with one day. One day very soon. Very soon."

"Edward," I whine. "Less sex more clothes."

"Are you scared?"

"About what? The surgery? No. It seems relatively easy on my part. I don't have to do much. But I'm a little bit scared of what comes after. I know the recovery is going to be a bitch. But I'm ready for that. But… I don't know. This is bringing up so much. It's not just a job anymore. I'm emotionally invested in this. In you specifically. I'm losing my journalistic outlook on this. If things go bad then…" I cut off, unable to finish that thought. "And this is all on camera. I keep forgetting they are there at night when I like to walk around in very little clothing. Jacob hates the cameras so he's been snippy. A lot more than he normally is. I don't like being on camera. I really don't like having my emotions on camera. This whole situation is just turning my life upside down. Some of it good. Some of it not so good. And there is just so much to consider…I don't know where to start. This is just the beginning. Where do we go when you have my kidney?" I look to him for some answers. "I doubt that this is your home. You're a celebrity you live in LA or New York… I don't even know where your home is."

"I've got a few," he says nonchalantly.

"But none of them are here, where I live. Where I have a job and I plan to remain. What do we do with that? I'm getting myself caught up in you and I don't know what's going happen in the end."

"We'll get there when we get there. But isn't that the fun of being in a relationship? No one knows where they are going. You just wing it. Do what feels right until it starts to feel wrong."

I look at him again and raise my eyebrows. "Very impressive. You are a wise, wise man." I mimic. "Now let's forget about buying you clothes. Let's go back to your apartment."

"Does that mean we get to have sex now?" He smiles hopefully.

"That means, you have an entire closet full of clothes you can wear, in your size. And I'm not planning for sex. But since we've decided we aren't planning for anything. I guess anything can happen."


End file.
